Finally

Finally I have the guy that I love and cherish.  It turns out he’s in love with me!  He told me he was May 21st and we started going out officially the next day.  It is going great, except for one incident.  I think you would call it an incident, but I’m not quite sure.  I’m not going to say what happened in case he reads this.  I haven’t forgiven him yet and I don’t know when I’ll be able to.  It’s kind of complicated.  I mean on one hand I want to forgive him, but on the other hand I don’t know what to do.  I talked to my sister about it, but that didn’t help.  It kind of confused me even more.  I think I’ll just wait until I move to where I’m going to college/where he is at before I forgive him.  That way I have time to do some thinking.

Start Falling

Slowly I am falling harder.

I can’t help myself.

He makes it so hard

To put my feelings aside.

I try to remember that we’re friends

But it completely slips my mind.

My heart beats faster

My foot starts tapping.

He’ll probably read this

But I could care less.

To me he is perfect

But with special flaws.

Then again who doesn’t have flaws.

I accept his because I have my own.

Such a great friend he is.

Doesn’t judge me when I say stupid things.

Maybe that’s why I’ve fallen hard

And haven’t stopped.

Can’t calm my crazy heart

But do I want to ?

Deadly Love

Stars streak the night sky.

Tears stroke a lonely cheek.

Dog howls its pain.

Child cries its fear.

A shout in the dark

Then a bang.

All is quiet for now.

No movement at all.

Slowly the sun rises

To gaze upon the new destruction.

A car left running

Sits in a yard.

People peer out their doors

To see if it’s safe now.

Night is when things come out

To play their wicked games.

A dead couple in the street

Killed because of their love.

Reflections

I gaze into the mirror.

What do I see?

A girl standing alone

Heart in hand.

In the distance there is a couple

Laughing and walking away.

Tears fall down her face

As she stares after them.

Her heart still beats.

What happened to her?

The guy looks back

His girlfriend doesn’t.

Hope fills the girl

Maybe he’ll come back.

She takes a step towards him

Then another.

He releases his girlfriend’s hand

Starts walking back to the girl.

They are running to eachother now

Crying the other’s name.

They are so close yet so far.

Will they ever reach eachother?

Golden Sword

 

 

I lay on the cold ground his golden sword in my heart.

People pass by never looking down.

They live in a perfect world full of beauty and love.

But I see the world for as it really is.

I see the pain, the ugliness, and the cruelty.

Thought he was different and special.

What a fool I was for believing his lies.

He knew how I loved him and he used that.

Does he really love her?

I don’t know anymore why I love him.

Is there really just a thing as love?

Maybe it’s just a sweet fantasy.

We may never know.

I try to pull his damn sword out.

Can I succeed?

Close my eyes

High above the clouds I soar

Demons jumping to ensnare me.

Their breaths like molten lava

Flicker over my icy skin.

My angel is nowhere to be seen

All alone I was left.

I run through the forests of the night

Creatures lunging at my heels.

Sharp teeth glistening in a cave of darkness

Snapping at me every so often.

I spot my angel ahead

Can’t reach him though.

I awake in my bed

My dog at my feet.

It is just midnight

Only two hours was I asleep.

At the end of my bed is my angel

In the embrace of one of my demons.

I scream and awake again

This time in my angel’s arms.

I sigh and close my eyes again

Gently stroking his cheek with my finger tips.

He stirs but doesn’t awake

Just holds me closer.

I can’t fall back asleep

So I lay there in his arms.

Thoughts race through my mind

Never stopping or slowing down.

I look at his face

And gently touch his lips with my own.

My sweet angel eludes me

In my dreams.

During the day he is just a man

That is my friend but not mine.

Now I shut my eyes

And dream that sweet dream again.

Shimmery, shiny and glittery

Sometimes I just wish I could fly up to the stars.

Reach for them but never can grasp one.

Everything always seems so far out of reach.

Search for a shooting star.

Are they hiding from me?

Just want to survive.

The pain is getting to be too much.

Try to push it away.

Keeps coming back even worse.

Why did he reject my love?

Heart breaking into millions of pieces.

Tiny, glittering gems on the ground.

Look just like my tears.

Oh how I love that fool.

Explain this

He says the cutest things. I guess I love him so much because he makes me happy.  He says the funniest things and I can’t help but laugh like a fool.  I turn into a complete dork when I talk to him. I ramble alot too.  But I can’t help but wonder does he really know how I feel?  Does he know the extent of my love?  I’m trying to control it but it’s impossible.  At night I sometimes cry because I love him so much it hurts.  He says he’s no good  for me but I have a question.  Why is it that he’s no good for me but he’s good for other girls?  It just doesn’t make sense to me.  Can someone explain this to me please?

I wish I hadn’t

My heart is…

        Cracked.

       Broken.

      Beyond repair.

     Forever yours.

I will…

     Always want you.

    Envy her.

    Try to be happy for you.

    Struggle to move on.

No matter what…

    Never change.

   Please don’t stop being my friend.

   Always remember me.

   I love you.

I have tried…

  To take my heart back.

  So hard to love someone else.

  Many times to lock away my feelings.

  Just being your friend.

I just can’t…

  Take the pain much longer.

  Deal with all the heartache.

  Fight with my heart anymore.

  Protect my heart from you.

I have found that just isn’t possible to get over you.  You are addicting and intoxicating to me.  Your laugh gives me shivers when I hear it.  It may sound crazy to other people but I like it a lot, because it tells the world that you’re unique and interesting.  You have held my heart since we first met.  I just didn’t realize it then.  You tried to kiss me once when we were little and I ran away.  I don’ t know why I ran, I just did.  Now that I think about it, I wish I hadn’t.

Whatever…

I need you to…

Love me.

Approve of me.

Never leave me.

I want to…

Be yours forever.

Kiss you softly.

Be with you forever.

But I don’t know if…

We can be.

You will ever love me.

I can fully give you my heart.

I wish…

I knew how you really feel.

I wasn’t alone.

You loved me.

I don’t know what…

To do anymore.

To say to you.

To think about anything.

I am so…

Confused.

Hurt.

Upset.

All I can wonder is why…

Do I feel this way?

Must I be in so much pain?

Should I care anymore?